Are You Teaching Your Kids or Training Them – What’s the Difference? 

Joey and Carla Link

March 12, 2025

“Teach” and “train” are words that all too often are used as if they have the same meaning. But they don’t. If I asked you what teaching involved, what would you say? If I asked you what would be involved when you train someone or something, what would you say? When you hear the word “train”, is your first thought about training dogs to obey?

To teach is to “share knowledge that the individual doesn’t already have.” It also includes telling the individual how to learn a new skill. To train involves teaching a “particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time.” 

“Train up a child in the way he should go

and even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

In this verse the Hebrew word for “train up” means to “get the individual started” on a new skill or behavior.

So, when you are teaching your kids, you are giving them new information and it is easy to think you are done passing that new information on. You are surprised then, when your kids do the same behavior again and again when you have explained to him/her why it should not be done, especially when you think you have explained it to them many times. “Stop hitting your brother!”, “Why haven’t you set the table?” or “How many times have I told you not to do that?” are not teaching them anything.

When you give your kids new information, and you take the time to show them how to do it and work with them on this new skill or behavior until your child understands the “why” of it and is in the habit of doing it, this process is called training your child.

Did you notice that:

1.The information needs to be new, meaning something you haven’t already told them. Reminding them again and again is not giving your kids new information.

2. You need to work with them to make sure they understand the “why” of what you are telling them by asking them questions to make sure it is clear to them. You decide to teach your 3 yr. old to be kind. After explaining what kindness is, ask him to tell you one way he/she can be kind to his sister. Let him know you will be watching to see he does it within a certain time frame, like “before lunch”.

3. You work with them until they are in the habit of doing this new behavior. Parents all too often don’t take the time to do this. They tell their child to be kind and are surprised when he turns around and hits his sister. Working with your kids until they are in the habit of doing something has 2 sides. One side is giving them encouragement when you can see they need to extend kindness to someone and praise when you see them being kind, especially on their own initiative. The 2^nd side is to correct them when they don’t show kindness and show inappropriate behavior instead, like hitting his sister. Correcting them is going to involve apologizing and consequences.

Parenting is work and often hard work. You are busy with your kids, marriage and many other things. We get this. Taking the time to not only teach, but to train your child as well will have life-long benefits for all of you.

“My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck.”

Proverbs 6:21-22 ESV