Joey and Carla Link
October 9, 2024
Facts, feeling and assumptions. Those with the Melancholy as their primary temperament get these confused all the time. Facts and feelings seem pretty straightforward, but let’s define them anyway.
A “fact” is something that is “proven to be true”. When you say to your child, “You left your dirty clothes on the bathroom floor again!” That’s fact. They were definitely your son’s clothes and they were definitely on the bathroom floor.
Feelings are an “emotional state”. It is the effect that a person’s mood has on their thinking and behavior. “We got our grades and I am ecstatic I made the honor roll!” The “emotional state” is feeling ecstasy, which in this case is based on the fact she made the honor roll. Her feeling of ecstasy is a reaction to making the honor roll.
Feelings are also a “belief that can be vague or irrational when they are not based on fact”.
And that leads us to “assumptions”, which is something that is “accepted as trued or as certain to happen, without proof”. “I am positive I failed that test.”
(definitions are from the Cambridge Dictionary)
We all know someone who is led by their feelings. They put their faith in wrong things leading them to make bad choices. Their feelings exaggerate truth which can be heard in statements like ”You never” or “you always”. Grayson was mad at his dad because he wouldn’t let him play ball with his friends because he hadn’t gotten his chores done yet. He told his dad, “You never let me do anything fun.” His dad was perplexed because a few days earlier he had taken Grayson on a camping trip he had been begging for.
How can you train your kids with the Melancholy (and Sanguine) temperaments to keep their feelings under control? The following are for kids 6 yrs. and above.
Always ask for the facts. Make sure not only their feelings but their assumptions are based on fact. Ask your child how he/she feels about the facts. Ask him how his feelings change the facts, distorting them to fit how he feels. Feelings are good, but they don’t change the truth.
Ask your child who is in authority over him/her. Their response should include you, God and perhaps a teacher and coach. Ask your child if he believes he needs to follow what these people say. Can he trust them to know the right thing to do? When he decides he can, remind him God put people with authority in his life starting with you, his parents so when his feelings get mixed up, he knows who he can trust and follow.
“A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.
How then can anyone understand his own way?”
Proverbs 20:24 NIV
For more info check out the following Mom’s Notes Presentations
Working With Your Child’s Besetting Sin Series
Learning to Deal with Anger
Learning to Deal with Stubbornness and a Lack of Initiative
Learning to Deal with a Child That Lies
Part 3
Teaching Your Child to Deal with His/Her Emotions
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