Eric Ramseyer
April 2, 2025
I had not wanted to stop here, but had finally agreed we needed a break from driving thru the desert. Our four sons were young, probably 13 and under. Walking through Wall Drug, I saw a small soap stone whale on the shelf which reminded me of the story of Jonah & the whale. I thought about how the Repentance, Forgiveness, & Restoration process had already impacted our family, so I bought that whale as an object lesson.
Repentance, Forgiveness, & Restoration is a process you need to require of your children. It is so much more than a muttered “I’m sorry.” Going through Repentance, Forgiveness & Restoration takes a moral understanding of why Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Four year olds may be able to say the words, but they won’t understand what they mean.
So, what exactly is the Repentance, Forgiveness & Restoration process?
R – Repentance: You will find the story of Jonah in the book of Jonah in the Old Testament. God told Jonah to go and minister to the people of Ninevah, a city not known for righteousness or good behavior. Jonah didn’t want to do this, so he thought he could run away from God. He got on a boat, and a big, nasty storm came upon the sea and everyone thought they would be lost.
Jonah finally came to his senses and realized that God was trying to get his attention, and he was the cause of the storm. He admitted that to the crew. Repentance begins with the words “I’m sorry; I was wrong.” When you are working through the “wrong” with your child, focus not only on the action, but also on the attitude. Only when you help them clear both will their heart have a chance to be cleaned. Often, parents only require repentance for the action, and the attitude resurfaces again quickly. Again, when they are under 5 years of age, you may need to help them resolve the attitude, but as they grow up, they need to take the time necessary to figure it out in order to own the problem so they can seek forgiveness for it.
Joey and Carla Link were the first ones, when teaching at GFI conferences on this topic, to bring up having your kids say “I was wrong for not coming when you called me. That was disrespect on my part.” Work with them to be specific. They have to admit what they did that was wrong or it is just words with no significant meaning to them.
F – Forgiveness: Jonah sought God’s forgiveness while in the belly of the whale, and he got projectile vomited to the shore. Forgiveness begins with “Will you please forgive me.” Forgiveness is a biblical concept that is much different than “sorry”. Sorry doesn’t require a response from the offended person, and thus keeps the relationship in the control of the offender. “Will you please forgive me” transfers the “power” to the offended and brings healing to the relationship as God intended it to.
R – Restoration: Jonah went on to complete the task God had instructed him to do. Restoration is “making it right”. Sometimes, that’s just doing what was required in the first place. Sometimes it may be helping Mom by doing an additional chore due to her lost time. Allow the child time to think through what would be an acceptable restoration step; you may need to help him/her.
I can’t encourage you enough to “stay the course”? You cannot always see the good that God is doing in your child/teen’s heart, but good practice and habits allows God to really make a change. One of our sons did not show growth in RFR as we had hoped into his late teen years. We later learned from him that he was teaching a young lady (now his wife) this process because she had not learned it at home. That was a great reminder that we as parents need to do our jobs and allow God to do His. He is Faithful!
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9
We want to thank Joey and Carla Link for teaching us what the Repentance, Forgiveness & Restoration process looks like and for the steps to work it through with our boys.
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