By Joey & Carla Link
February 5, 2025
Mom put 18-month-old Elaina in the playpen and gave her two of her favorite toys. Dad put three-year-old Brandon on a blanket to play and gave him two of his favorite toys. Five-year-old Peyton was instructed to sit in a comfy chair and look at books. Mom set the timer for 8 minutes and told the kids it was time for her and Dad to sit and talk until the timer went off, and reminded them that they could not interrupt them or get up until then.
Couch time is a time where both spouses sit on the couch for 10-15 minutes and catch up with each other’s day.
There are 2 rules to Couch Time:
1. Your kids have to see you having it. It gives kids the assurance that Mom and Dad like to spend time together.
2. Your kids can’t interrupt you during Couch Time. This shows kids the marriage relationship takes priority over the parent-child relationship.
Couch-time is a form of “positive parenting.” It is easy for parents to focus on the restrictive or negative side of parenting. You are “restrictive” in your parenting when you point out the negative your children are doing. “Why can’t you get ready on time?” “When are you going to do what I tell you to do?” While you cannot avoid being restrictive in your parenting, don’t overlook the many things you can do that affect the behavior of your child in a positive way.
Seeing their parents interact in a positive way gives children a sense of security. Couch-time is a pre-planned way for parents to accomplish this. Insecure children do not behave. Secure children are happy and content, and this shows in their action and attitude. Start with the goal of being consistent in having couch-time two nights a week for a month. The next month shoot for three nights a week and keep going until you are consistent with five nights a week.
The Following are Hints for Successful Couch-time:
- Schedule a time daily, make it non-negotiable. Don’t look at or answer your phone during couch-time.
- If you have little ones, use the playpen for playpen time and the blanket for blanket time. Start with just a few minutes, under 5 minutes if your kiddos are all under 5 yrs. Use a timer so they know when Couch Time is officially over and they can get up.
- Have a special box of toys put away for young children to play with only during couch-time.
- If Dad is traveling, he can call and let the kids know it is time for couch-time. They go to their spots and do not have the freedom to interrupt Mom while she is on the phone with Dad.
- If Dad gets home from work late, Mom can feed the kids first, and she can have couch-time with Dad while he eats dinner.
We have heard countless stories from families who tried it and were surprised at the positive different in their kids when they were consistent about doing it. If you have older kids, especially with divorce so prevalent in our culture, they really need to see Dad and Mom like each other. Couch Time takes only a few minutes a day and it is totally worth it!
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God,
and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
1 John 4:7
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