Joey and Carla Link
November 6, 2024
Peer pressure. Is your first thought negative? Ours usually is. There is such a thing as positive peer pressure.
Warning signs your kids (10 yrs and up) are being drawn into negative peer pressure.
- Your kid/teen doesn’t follow your family’s standards
- Your kid enjoys friends more than his/her family and always asks to bring them on family outings
- Your kid’s friends are from families that don’t share your values
- Your kid doesn’t have a good relationship with his/her siblings
- Your preteen/teen is seeking attention from the opposite sex
- Your child is not growing spiritually
Information in this blog was taken from the Mom’s Notes presentations “Understanding Peer Pressure, Part 1”, “Understanding Peer Pressure, Part 2”, “Training Middle School Aged Children (10-13 years)”, and the “The Middle Years Transition”
Work on strengthening your relationship with your child. We need relationships in our lives to be complete. Everyone needs a place to call ‘home’, a place where they feel loved, accepted and affirmed, a place to belong. That place should be one’s family.
Points to ponder regarding your relationship with your child:
· Would you characterize your relationship as being positive or negative?
· Have you worked toward giving your child ownership of his/her behavior/attitudes?
· Do you listen to your child with an open heart?
· Does your child feel like he/she is a priority to you?
· Do you value what your child values?
· Are you willing to admit when you have made a mistake and seek their forgiveness?
· Are your expectations of your child realistic?
· Do you encourage your children?
Ultimately the like-mindedness our children should look for in friends would be those friends who would encourage them to hold to Godly values and principles.
When your preteen and/or teen is being affected by peer pressure, it isn’t the time for consequences as much as it is for non-conflict talking. Ask questions without interrogating them. Ask your teen why he wants to be accepted by this group of kids so badly he will compromise what he believes in and violate your family and God’s standards to do it. Ask him what he will gain and what he will lose. Make a list on paper. Have him write down possible consequences if he gets caught.
The best consequence is to give him the freedom to fail. Failure brings humiliation, embarrassment and natural consequences. They don’t need more consequences on top of all that unless they misused something they should lose the freedom of.
What do you do when your tween and teens are dealing with peer pressure?
Parents need to be aware of and involved with the friendships their children make with non-Christians. We included these friends in some activities we had planned for our family. This way the entire family can reach out to the non-churched friends of our children.
- Parents need to work with their children to set appropriate boundaries for these relationships. At the same time, parents need to discuss with their children a “way of escape” if the relationship becomes compromising to them, or a situation arises that would not be appropriate for them to be in. Proactively working through with your children a ‘way of escape’ gives them a plan on how to deal with situations that get out of control.
- Parents need to be willing to step in and intervene (for children of all ages) if the relationship gets beyond the child’s ability or willingness to keep within the discussed boundaries.
- Parents need to keep a watchful eye on the relationship, looking for changes in their child such as moodiness, lack of desire to talk with parents or be with the family, lack of interest in spiritual things, etc.
- Parents need to commit themselves to praying for their child and this friend, asking God for His wisdom and discernment for both them and their child.
For more information check out:
It is stated in Growing Kids God’s Way that ‘Peer pressure is only as strong as family identity is weak.’ Building a positive family identity takes time and effort. Practical ways to develop identity as a family both spiritually and emotionally are given in this presentation.
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