Non-Negotiables of Parenting
Joey and Carla Link
August 21, 2024
Summer months are times when parents sometimes unknowingly tend to let obedience and other behavior slide. When you try to get your kids back on a routine to get ready for the structure of the school day, these “slides” refuse to cooperate and you wonder what happened to your kids.
If you had taught your kids to come to the call of their name (saying “Yes Mom”) and they were doing it over 75% of the time and when you started paying attention, realized they were collectively down to about 30% of the time, just do what you did to get them to 75% in the first place and you will get it back. Don’t start reminding them! That is a treadmill it is very difficult, once started to get off of.
If you have never worked on getting them to a high standard of obedience, we suggest you get the Mom’s Notes presentation, “Understanding First-Time Obedience”.
In last week’s blog, “If I Ran the Zoo, Would I Know What to Do Pt. 1”, We introduced obedience training as a non-negotiable in parenting. In other words, it should be mandatory training. Here is the rest of the “obedience training” info to get your kids started or back on track.
Children need to be taught to obey.
· This takes time and a plan both parents agree and are working together on.
· Once children are characterized by obedience (coming to you when you call their name 80% of the time in each of these 4 ways: Immediately, completely, without challenge and without complaining) they can be trained in Godly character like patience and kindness.
What Obedience Looks Like for Different Ages
-The first 5 years are the years to teach children how to obey, working on the action side of obedience: immediately and completely. Young children do not have the moral maturity to deliberately manipulate you with their bad attitude.
A cute rhyme to work with your kids 7 yrs. and under is: “Right Away (Immediately), All the way: (Completely) With a happy heart” (Without Challenge and Without Complaint).
-The Elementary School years (6-11 yrs.) are the time to teach and train your children the character God wants us to live by.
· You can’t train their character with Godly values until they are first characterized by obedience.
· If they have a high percentage of coming to you when you call their name both immediately and completely, you can start to work on the attitude side of obedience: without challenge and without complaint.
-During the teen years (14-18 yrs.), kids who are characterized by obedience transition that obedience into submission, which is doing something because it needs to be done, not because someone is telling you to do it. Ultimately, God wants us to have a heart of submission.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7
Test yourselves. What grade would you give each one of your kids (over 7 yrs.) in coming to you:
· Immediately
· Completely
· Without arguing
· Without complaining
Once you and your spouse agree on a grade for each of your kids over 7 yrs. old, ask them what grade they would give themselves. This is a good way to get them on the same page as you and your spouse. Do each child separately so their siblings don’t give their opinion.
It is only obedience if they come when they least want to.
“Children obey the Lord in everything.”
Colossians 3:20
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