Beth Blunk
June 19, 2024
This is part 2 of Beth’s blog on Marriage. Click here to read part 1.
Over time our marriages can show cracks in the foundation due to stress and neglect. Whether you are married 2 years or 40 years, it is important for the health and the strength of your family to make some intentional investments in the foundation of your marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:9 speaks to the gift that marriage is.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.”
So, what can we do to keep the foundation of our friendship and marriage a priority? Last week I introduced the 1-1-1-1 Marriage Plan and shared the first two “1’s”. This plan is a framework that has guided our relationship and helped us get back on track when we get bumped off course by life’s circumstances. The first “1” encourages daily connection with your spouse. Find ways to tell your spouse you are thinking of him/her. One way is through Couch Time which is a positive way to show your kids you love each other and want to spend time together. It is 10 minutes where the two of you are talking while the children are present, but don’t have the freedom to interrupt.
The second “1” in our marriage plan is a once-a-week date. It is best to have a given night a week for this or to put it on the calendar when you plan to have it each week or it just won’t get done. Date night helps you focus on each other without interruptions that demand your time and attention. Now it is time to discuss the last two “1’s”.
The third “1” in our plan is a once-a-year get away. Do everything you can to make this a two night trip. The first night is just recovery, because you are so tired. The next day and evening can be time for fun. It might involve planning and dreaming about your goals for the next year. Or it might mean being partners in friendship and activities that you would like to do but you don’t get to do when your children are there. Recently our daughter and son-in-law were able to stay in someone’s home who was gone, while we stayed with the grandchildren at their house, so the expenses were minimal.
The last “1” in our plan is a once-a-year investment in growing your marriage. Read a book or listen to an audio book together and discuss it.
Participate in a class over several weeks or attend a weekend seminar. Take an online class together.
Pick something you both want to grow in your marriage. Communication, conflict resolution (The Link’s Mom’s Notes “Ten Ways to Fight Fair with Your Spouse” is good for this), friendship, finances, sexual intimacy, and spiritual are just a few possibilities.
There are all kinds of opportunities where you can grow. If you are making it a priority to do something where you grow every year, then over the course of your life, the foundation of your family is going to be firm and able to withstand the trials that will come your way.
Over our 44 years of marriage, we have had multiple transitions that called for adjustment. We still work to make “US” a priority. Our friendship is a treasured gift from God. It has taken intentional work to avoid drifting apart. It does not stop. Recently, we have been walking through emptying our nest and now it is just two of us alone, with our children and grandchildren in six different states. We are looking for new things that we like to do together and ways to laugh. It is more than traveling to see our children and grandchildren. Sharing our lives together makes “US” important. Be creative and intentional. Look for ways to make your marriage a priority, a solid foundation that leaves a legacy. God said the two of you are “Very good!”
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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